Are the “Marriage” Inequities Such a Big Deal?

Art Epstein

From GFN.com

January 26, 2004

I received a frantic instant message from a friend this weekend, asking for help. Seems he and his father were in the midst of a friendly argument over gay marriage.

His father, a well-to-do Texan of Mexican descent – very supportive of his son's homosexuality – was asking my friend if he could briefly explain the big deal about gay marriage. His father's position was that whatever inequities same-sex couples face are really negligible financially, or easily rectified by basic legal documentation outlining the relationship.

An annoyance, he conceded, but hardly life changing. So what if your partner is taken to the hospital, and you're not considered next-of-kin? Just have an attorney create a document that says you have the right to make medical decisions on their behalf, and so forth, it's not a big deal.

Stifling the urge to throttle his well-meaning father, my friend, with my help (typing away furiously online), outlined for them some of the chief financial inequities gay and lesbian couples face:

Social Security retirement and survivor benefits. A husband or wife is entitled to one-half of the spouse’s Social Security benefits and to additional benefits in the event of death.

Workplace health and pension benefits coverage. While some companies offer health coverage to domestic partners, this benefit is considered taxable income. When married spouses are covered, the benefit is tax-free.

Automatic inheritance rights. Die without a will, and a heterosexual spouse gets the goods. In many states, the surviving spouse has a legal right to at least one-third to one-half of the estate.

Preferential estate tax treatment. The $1 million estate tax limitation doesn’t apply to married people: a heterosexual married person can leave an unlimited amount to a spouse without owing one penny of estate tax. In certain states, this benefit is multiplied by special capital-gains tax treatment for homes and other assets held by married couples as community property.

Lower insurance rates. Married people usually get a discount on auto insurance and may pay less for other types of insurance. Some enlightened companies offer family discounts to gay and lesbian couples, but it is not yet an industry standard.

Married couples filing jointly get a tax break. Previously, husbands and wives filing one return paid, in many cases, more taxes on their combined income than did unmarried couples filing separate returns as single taxpayers (that's the special code meaning "homosexual couples"). In 2004, the 15 percent bracket for married heterosexual joint filers is twice that of single filers, eliminating the so-called marriage penalty.

In addition, the new tax law increased the standard deduction for married filers to $9,500. This, too, is twice the deduction afforded single taxpayers.

Still, my friend's father was steadfast in his position: while these are clearly inequities, other than perhaps the inheritance laws, it's not such a big deal financially ... we're not talking about anything monumental or life altering. (I did mention this was a fairly wealthy man, didn't I?)

I then suggested my friend calmly take another route to his father's psyche.

Instead of the word "gay," let's substitute the word "Mexican," I offered. And once the government, employers, country clubs, hotel clerks in his home state of Texas and beyond, discovered his father was of Mexican descent, he was denied the same rights, privileges and accommodations as the man standing next to him, who happened to be of, say, European descent. Sure, it's not fair, but it's not really a big deal, is it?

Hey, I asked helpfully via instant message, perhaps he could just "pass" for white and simply slip around the annoying but not really inhibiting social construct that favors Europeans over Mexicans? Or have legal documentation drawn up that showed he was entitled to equal treatment. I'm sure he wouldn't mind pulling that out at the hospital if his wife became ill, so he could see her. It's not a big deal.

Shortly after my friend offered my supposition, his father suddenly declared it was time for dinner, and the conversation over gay marriage abruptly ended.

But friend's father may have a point: some of the inequities around gay marriage don't seem to be such a big deal. That is, when they're not happening to you.